Clara Behar: Project 10
Slideshow by Julia Kim Smith
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1 of 10
1. my face (daily)
I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2000-the cancer had spread into 14 lymph nodes under my arm. I had a mastectomy, chemotherapy, and radiation. Even with treatment, the doctors told me then that there was about a 50% chance that I would live for five years. I was 35. The cancer came back seven months later in one lymph node, then another, then my bones. It has never been in remission since.
From Clara B
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4 of 10
1. my face (daily)
April 3, 2005: This is the day I found out that the cancer had moved into my brain. Of all the places that breast cancer could go, the idea that it might spread to the brain always scared me the most. This day was a nightmare. I was horrified and so afraid.
From Clara B
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1. my face (daily)
The next day: Getting it back together, I have a celebration of long hair. My hair took two years to grow back from chemo five years ago. I hate that I will have to lose it again. On the scale of importance this, of course, is a minor concern. I want to live.
From Clara B
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7. a private place
I had 15 days of whole brain radiation. Often when I think about cancer, I think of it as confused cells that don't know when to die. My body has made them, they are a part of me, and I try to visualize lovingly ushering them out of my body. Once the cancer spread to my brain, all I could think is "GET THE FUCK OUT!!" so much for loving visualization.
From Clara B
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4. a place that hurts
Closet of masks. My radiation mask is one mask in one cabinet in one hospital in one town in one state in one country. Seeing them in aggregate makes me angry.
From Clara B
Photo by juliakimsmith
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3. who I love
My father, looking at me, trying not to look worried before my MRI
From Clara B
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9 of 10
3. who I love
Me, looking at my father before my MRI. I'm not worried.
From Clara B
Photo by juliakimsmith